well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
