Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
