I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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