My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
