stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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