Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This baby is an asshole
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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