im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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