how hairy? two words: wookie tits
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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