I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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