apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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