i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
