Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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