found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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