there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
