Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
