We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
