You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
