It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
