Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
