Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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