Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just cut my nipple shaving
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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