I'm eating all of the evidence.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
