you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just want nice things and good sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
