from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
