So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
