That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
