She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
