So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
