I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
