Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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