My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
