If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
