Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
