he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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