Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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