I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize