I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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