Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
