the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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