I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
