WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
