I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Michael Bay diarrhea
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize