you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
