There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
