Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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