Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
