so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
