if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
