you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
