Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
