I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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