I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
