My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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