Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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