yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
