Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
