No awkward lesbian experiences without me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
