Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
