planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
