hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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