just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
