I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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