there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize