Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
