What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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