My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
