Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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