gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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