So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
