Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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