VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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