Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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