Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
