D3 body, D1 cock
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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