i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
