Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
