We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize