i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
