even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This baby is an asshole
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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