What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
