Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
