i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize