I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
