dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im six kinds of drunk right now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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