The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
