I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
