I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
